Rope Burns
Working in the medical field I have been privileged to be a part of many lives at transitional points. Touching another person and providing a small amount of hope or relief has a profound effect upon the giver and the receiver. I would like to talk to you from the giving side of the equation, for that is where I am most familiar.
Everyone has some unbalanced tally sheet with life, some unfinished business which has not been addressed. Incompleteness with the past and with ourselves can cause an insistent mercilessness with ourselves and the world which we hardly let within. This common circumstance or emotion is referred to most often as grief. Our grief is a fear of loss, of the unknown, or of death itself. Grief is the rope burns left behind when what we have held on to most dearly is pulled out of reach, and is now beyond our grasp. Some believe they have no grief, but this too is a denial. Everyone who has ever lived has grief. Most think of it as a momentous sadness, but it is not that simple. Grief comes in the smallest of levels. Grief can be a feeling of not-enoughness that longs to be otherwise, it is a feeling of uselessness and being unworthy, it is the negative judgment placed on you, or the condemnation inflicted by another. Grief can be the uncontrollable situation you find yourself in, or the treatment you believe is out of your grasp. Grief is the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness you find yourself facing in an injury or illness that has come unexpectedly. But even grief is workable.
In the life review that grief often stimulates, there is a knowing moment. This happens when the memories meet the pain and a deep connection is made within your heart and mind. Recognition of this moment is the first step in the healing. The second step comes from no longer feeling separate from our situation and assuming ownership of our grief, but becoming one with the mind and heart. This process is difficult and at times very overwhelming. It takes patience and fortitude, but the result can give a sense of the connection that exists even before we were born. When grief sinks so deeply into the heart that we can accept even this much pain, we are healing to the core of life. Even though one may still feel terrible at times, the healing continues. Do not be surprised at the capacity in which you are able to heal, do not be surprised how it changes you and those around you, and do not be surprised or punish yourself when it comes and goes. As the healing discovers itself, drawing from beyond all previous resources and an unimaginable tenderness, we make room in our heart for ourselves and nothing can take that sense of beingness away. Healing our selves is the first step on the road to healing our physical and in my opinion the most important step.